One thing that people need in order to have good sex and relationships is that it is okay to have needs and desires. It is also convenient if needs and desires are both equally valued because, how we feel in our body is important no matter how we label it. One part of understanding our desires/needs and how important they are is, giving space for our eroticism. When we are in our fully embodied eroticism, we can feel okay with having our needs and desires. This is a full circle of positive reinforcement and a good example of how we can be in an intimate connection and communicate from a place of love. Our ideas, sub-conscious or conscious, of what our needs or desire are is heavily influenced by our childhood and culture. E.g. men are providers of physical/structural safety and women have many needs and are the emotional caretakers. I personally have responded to this conundrum by being a rebellious female and magically having little to no needs, clears throat…Knowing what you want is essential for healthy relationships! It is very difficult to know what You want when you’re focused on the other . When we learn to put ourselves first, knowing it will be best of service to all involved, the ripple effect is delightful. No shame if we are not there, life is this process.