Asking to be Met

Art by Chloe Henning. Please contact for purchase inquiries.

Continuing on this thread of needs and desires (from now on I will use these two terms interchangeably), we acknowledge that in order to have good sex ad relationships one must be able to ask for their needs to be met. This will be much easier to do once we’ve recognized, to ourselves first, what it is we do need. Communicating that need to a lover, spouse or potential partner is the next step. To feel more confident in communicating our desires we must first sit with the fact that the response from our lover is completely out of our control and we may be disappointed. Deep breathe, and I repeat, we may be disappointed. This may be obvious to our brains but it is not so obvious to our emotions. Far to not-so-often do we allow ourselves to be in disappointment. Its uncomfortable and, by the way, isn’t half the reason we have this so-called-lover is to fulfill all of our needs and desires!?!?!? I would say in your dreams but this message that ‘the one’ ought to satisfy all of our most intimate desires comes from culture, religion, media, etc. and is COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC. On the flip side, being the disappointer is not any more comfortable and many of us have not built the tolerance or resiliency to sit in either one of these positions while staying in connection to our partner(s). The emphasis being with ‘while staying in connection’. Insert The Somatica Method. All of us have the ability exercise our emotional muscles and Somatica offers the precise space to efficiently and safely continue this process. This method incorporates patients and empathy in order to create a safe space that welcomes all feelings from all sides. It allows for enough space to where sides, hopefully, eventually dissipate. Having had the last 3 out of 3 partners, over the course of nine years, want to separate from me due to my overly-promiscuous behavior, I know very well the feeling of disappointing others. Although, through all those years I never gave time to sit with how terrible that felt because I was too preoccupied with my resentment for feeling unfree. I am looking forward to a new era of my life where I can have space for all of my double-dipped emotions. This disappointment can come along with changing physical bodies, gender identity, E.D., early ejaculation, and low libido. I am also looking forward to sharing the Somatica Method now as Santa Cruz’s first Certified Somatica Practitioner! 

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